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I can't believe I caved

September 19th, 2013

Homecomings @ 09:45 pm

This is strange -- I branded this site as me. As something to represent myself online when social media was barely even a buzzword. And yet, I feel like it's here that I can be the most anonymous. CyberBlade...wow...just stepping into an old screen-name is enough to trigger a lot of things I'd forgotten about. I look back at the old posts and I wonder -- that was me!? Oh my god. And I know I deleted the worst of it. Still, it challenges that whole notion of a stable identity, because I just can't even connect the dots of how I got from there to here. Life, I guess. And all of this has just been sitting somewhere on a bunch of servers, largely forgotten.

I figured it was time to write another post. Since I am pretty awful at journaling, this really is one of the few time capsules I have remaining to me. I bought a journal today, a nice new moleskine. But I'm afraid to write in it. Every time I start a journal it stalls out and I feel like the first page is the worst of the transgressions against the idea of writing as something worth preserving.

Oh yeah, I teach writing now. Well, I would be teaching writing if I hadn't gotten a slightly different assistantship this year. I'll be teaching writing, though. Isn't that strange? I study digital platforms as well--mainly in terms of their materiality. So it's odd, thinking that when the earliest writings on blogs was starting to get out into circulation, here I was, struggling to figure out the genre. I suppose that's the most flattering thing I can say about my many, many, many, MANY posts that consisted of nothing other than "I am so bored"; I was unaware of the genre conventions in place (if they were in place) and therefore had no way of...ugh, I'm just going to stop there. Studying for prelims means that I'm going to be spouting a whole lot of nonsense because it's all that I see each and every day.

Still, CyberBlade...CB. That was an identity. For someone. A person that very much doesn't feel like me any longer. I wish I could find some old chat logs from the #T_N_S days, but I'm even more afraid of what I would find lurking there.

May 27th, 2010

Wow... @ 12:53 am

It always amazes me that this thing still exists. Almost like looking back at another life. The days of irc chat rooms and online friends. Even the old callsign, cyberblade, doesn't really fit anymore. I really have to wonder where.certain individuals ended up. Nnitro, budgieluvr, three6t, jasonkidd, just to name a few. I heard from a few other t_n_s vets about a year ago, but I guess all of our lives have just become too different.

I don't really miss those specific days, but there was something nice about having such a diverse group of people to speak with. It was kind of comforting. Meanwhile I have a whole bunch of other networks in my career of professional academia. And my dear band geek pals. Life is pretty good. I hope the same is true for all those people I used to know.

April 4th, 2005

(no subject) @ 05:47 pm

Current Emotional State: loved loved
What I'm Listening To: Seems So Rea2il

Well, what can I say? I'm sitting around here quite bored, and I haven't updated for awhile. Managed to get in touch with a few T_N_S'ers since my last couple posts. Seems strange thinkin back to those days.

Anyhow, the band formal just took place, and it was a lot of fun. Got to spend 4 days with my Jamie, which is always a good thing :) We had a lot of fun and a lazzzzzzy Sunday too. Kappa and TBS have been having a few organizational monetary issues....what a blast. So yah...always fun here at Lock Haven.

Drop a line. I'll try to update a little more frequently.

March 9th, 2005

Bored @ 12:09 am

Its spring break, I'm quite bored, evidently that means i am allowed to use comma splices. Sorry, a bit too much comp, usage and editing. Anyhow, I decided to update the pic on here...namely since the most recent one before hand was my senior pic, and well....yeah, that's a bit out of date now. I feel way slobby.

I just started back in with graphics programs now...probably a mistake. But oh well, made some decent pictures so far. I'm really bored. its back to lock haven tomorrow, and then up to UConn the following day for convention. Should be fun....

Really really bored...

March 2nd, 2005

(no subject) @ 10:01 pm

AIM: SirBretly
ICQ: 7529915
for reference ;p

#Teens_n_stuff recollections @ 09:22 pm

Is anyone still out there from that old place? just started thinkin about all the stuff that used to happen there and whatnot. Drop a line if ya remember those bygone days.

January 6th, 2005

More Random Boredness @ 02:28 am

Current Emotional State: artistic artistic
What I'm Listening To: The Ataris - Takeoffs and Landings

Gotta love the Ataris, lol. Can't say I'm a fan of much on the radio lately. It all sounds too...poppish ;p

I've been so damn bored lately with everything going on, and I hope the pic above happens to work, if not oh well. But yea, I got onto a drawing kick just the other day and for once seem to be making some actual progress with it, unlike ever before. I'm still on the writing kick, and worked on a couple chapters from my current project today. These days of break are certainly good for working on personal projects.

The weather lately is a bit depressing. I mean, I'm not one to complain about good driving weather since the average distance I drive every time I get in a car must be 100 miles. Sadly I'm quite used to little two hour drives out to school and back. But yea, its shitty snowboarding weather, and I've been dying to go since summer. My board is over in the corner and I hope I get a chance to use it at least once before its time to start classes again.

So I'm a senior now...though I still have at least 4 more semesters to go. Thankfully, after this semester I'll only have 2 english classes left. Then I'll be able to focus on my music courses. For all of your former IRC people out there, I went to college for secondary education: english, decided I didn't like high school any better after graduation and dropped to plain english. Then I went and picked up a second major in music on saxophone. So yea, I love all forms of jazz nowadays, lol.

I guess I should probably register for summer courses now too so I get in those gen eds. Next semester I'll be takin Music Theory 3, Romantic Period Music, Contemporary Trends/Jazz Music, Major American Authors: Faulkner, and Composition Usage and Editing, along with 2 credits of sax lessons and jazz combo to make up my 18 credits. Along with that will be Kappa Kappa Psi stuff, if you've seen drumline, we're mentioned there :P Hopefully life won't be as hectic as last semester though.

However, I guess that's about all for my rant. For previously disliking these things, I sure do find enough stuff to rant about. I remember in Adolescent Development with Dr. Forbes, he said that people only keep journals because they think they're important and that their lives matter. I guess that's true, and I guess I think I'm somehow important. Whether or not that's true can certainly be debated.

Insomnia...or not @ 02:06 am

Current Emotional State: bored bored
What I'm Listening To: Something or other from concert band

Yeah, I'm certainly feeling pretty damned bored tonight, so I'm posting a bit, and checking out exactly what's changed around here. Just about everyone I know uses Xanga nowadays, but I'm not the biggest fan of their services and such. So oh well, i'll stick to this for now. I can't believe I caved in and came back to this thing. But I guess boredom really does lead to crazy steps. Hey...this concert band stuff doesn't sound half bad. Well, that is, the normal stuff. The more bizarre crap is sure to sound like...well, crap. Persistence of Time my ass, if I was trapped in time with music like that I'd kill myself.

(no subject) @ 01:27 am

Deleted all posts (or at least the majority of posts) related to the big fights back in the day. I figure everyone's better off having them vanish and forgetting.

(no subject) @ 12:23 am

Current Emotional State: apathetic apathetic
What I'm Listening To: The Verve Pipe - Freshmen

i am who i am

Random Musings

I can't believe I caved